lost boy
by verde-uno
Summary: What happens when Justin's denial about his secret love comes to a head? Will he find his love for Zeke real? Will Zeke return his love in kind? What of the children and his wife? Find out what happens when a man finally decides to pursue what he really wants and the consequences and blessing that follow.


Justin lay quietly next to the mother of his children. While his body was quiet and still, his mind, his dreams, rage like the weather outside. As the rain bashed the windows his mind bashed his desires.

* * *

"Zeke please don't leave," Justin begged his love, tears forming rain as they fell to the ground.

Zeke turns to Justin, silhouetted by the smoky background, speaking softly but with a firm resonance that could move mountains, "You say you love me but you are still with her. I believe you when you tell me this but if you can't tell me for real I will never be yours. Just look at you, you are dying inside but you still can't say it to me." Zeke turns his milky back to Justin as the gray mist envelopes his nude form.

Shakily getting to his feet Justin begins to run after him, unsteady from the sobbing that racks his body. "ZEEEKE DON'T", he shouts as he trips falling to the ground. Reaching out trying to grab the wisps of Zeke still left in the wind swirling around him. Standing once more he tries to chase after him. " Zeke I am sorry. Please come back. I….." A profound pause fills the air, as the face of the man, he has so long desired, turns and smiles that awkward smile only to disappear completely into the mist.

"Zeke I LOVE YOU, please don't g…go!", sobbing he stubbles through the fog, desperately searching for the mortal. Without warning the ground gives way plunging him into an endless chasm, black as ink. As he falls the air around him becomes thick, unbearably thick, so much so his breath seem to all but stop. What little light left in existence fades leaving him in complete isolating blackness. All warmth leaves his body, causing him to shake uncontrollably. As despair grows the shaking gets worse, his lost love being too much for him. The fall continues and the feeling of rushing air is the only thing keeping him from death. Then with a jolt he feels icy water engulf him.

* * *

With a sharp thud he lands on the cold wooden floors that belong to the house that he and Juliet had built. Having been woken from her sleep by the crash, Juliet jumps out of bed to find her husband crying lying in a pool of his own tears and saliva. Justin heaving so hard that it greatly alarmed Juliet, who immediately knows something to be terribly wrong.

Crouching down, feet together but knees never quiet touching the floor she rubs Justin's back as he lay there arms crossed around him and knees almost touching his face. She brushes the hair from her face speaking in hushed tones, "Justin what is wrong. You must tell me! This is the third time this week I have found you down here. You have been so distraught, yet you refuse to tell me why." Moving her hand to his face she brushes it back and forth with her thumb in another attempt to sooth him and his troubled mind.

Justin, still lying there, tears flowing down his face refuses to look at her. His secret shame has become too much for him yet he thinks 'She can never know'. "Sweaty I want to help but I can't do that if you won't let me in so I can try".

Knowing she won't stop until he either leaves or relents to her pleas, he gets up and walks to the bathroom down the hall. Sliding himself against the wall for support he gets to the door and lets himself into the large bathroom. He gently shuts the door and latches it closed, fearing further intrusion. He walks to the sink to splash his face with some cold water, trying to wash the dream from his mind. After cleaning his face of the tears, snot and saliva, he stares at his reflection knowing what he sees is a lie. A few moments pass and he decides that sitting down might be a better choice than standing there examining his puffy tear stained face. Letting himself go limp, he lands clumsily in a pile on the toilet.

Observing the room around him he remembers all the hard work Juliet and he had done in here. When they built the house they decided that they were going to do it the mortal way. The Gods only know why they thought it was a good idea but no matter how hard it got they did the whole house like that. From foundation to rafters, every inch was done by their own hands. Sighing deeply, his thoughts began running away from him. How could he have seemed so happy through all of this and yet deep down in the darkest recesses of his heart he held only one flame. One flame and it is not for Juliet.

While Justin quietly slumps upon himself crying in their bathroom, Juliet tries worriedly to get ahold of Alex on the crystal ball. "Alex" she pauses expectantly. "Alex? Alex are you there?" Juliet starts rolling her fingers across her knees losing patience with the middle Russo child. "ALEX" she shouts into the smoky orb.

On the other side, Alex is roused by her name being hollered. "What mom, its Saturday there is no school", she tiredly mumbles. Peering over at the cause of the disruption to her sleep she sees Juliet staring at her. Shocked by this she flies out of bed only to land flat on the floor with a loud thump followed by unearthly groaning. Getting up quickly in a motion reminiscent of a pushup, she swiftly declares," I'm okay."

Juliet just sighs 'Of course she was sleeping and really she still answers like that when woken up'. "Alex I need your help. I would _not_ normally ask you but Justin seems really messed up. He hasn't been sleeping well or with any comfort for some time. For weeks he has been waking from what I can only assume to be horrible dreams." She stops for a moment to realize the Alex is half naked on the crystal. "Uhh, you mind… maybe putting on a bra?"

"Ohh, sorry!" Alex exclaims as she rifles around on the floor trying to find the particular garment in question. Still looking for her bra she again mumbles, "I forgot you were so prudish. FOUND IT!" she cries in victory.

Juliet rather agitatedly sighs at her fiancés sister. "Anyway I am really worried! He won't tell me anything. Whenever he wakes up from the terrors he is sweeting so bad you think he was melting. For minutes he will just cry and when I try to comfort him he pulls away like he doesn't even want me to be there. I am scared that something serious is wrong." Juliet tries holding back the tears only half succeeding with a few droplets slipping past her will. "Justin will stake me for this but you are the only person I think can help. So would you please?" Juliet knowing that Justin and Alex have always had that love hate kind of relationship desperately hopes that she is willing to do so.

"Sure", she perkily says. "Where is he right now?"

"Specifically?"

Alex rolls her eyes thinking the question is easier to answer than Juliet is making it. "Yes. As in, where is he exactly at this moment in time, in this dimensional plane?"

"Uhh… the bathroom but…", a flash pass through the ball leaving only an empty room for Juliet to look at.

Having transported herself directly to the master bath of her big brother's house, she appears in a flash scaring her brother half to death. Looking quite surprised to see his sister standing there he utters, "What a..are you..."

Cutting him off Alex responds, "Juliet said something's wrong and she wanted me to see what.'

Justin harshly whispers under his breath, "Damn it Juliet!"

"I heard that," Juliet shouts from the bedroom.

Justin spins his wand glaring at the wall behind him and says, "Sound in this room keep it here where I sat even from the hearing of that BAT", emphasizing bat loudly to torque the blonde in the next room. Alex being there was exacerbating Justin's anxiety greatly. Through an unmistakable gritted smile he response to his sister questioning eyes, "There is nothing wrong and I would like you to leave." He smiles impatiently at his magically irritating sister.

Alex just smirks at him, guiding him to realize that she knew more than she let on. "Justin I know you, I grew up with you for Athena's sake, so I know when something is bugging you." Plopping to the floor she folds her legs leaning back on one arm whilst twirling her wand impudently with the other. Justin just sits there glaring at the floor, silent and stoic. "You know, I will get it out of you. I may be impatient but I am also stubborn". Alex starts to whistle semi-molidicly, the tune having no pattern or order but seeming to fit together well none the less.

Buy the assumed third chorus Justin's blood is boiling with rage. Standing slowly he stares right at the brunette, his eyes cold and violent. From his look Alex realizes this was something far more serious than she thought. Justin opens his mouth and screams at his sister in a fiery fury, "ALEX LEAVE NOW. I WANT YOU OUT OF MY HOME AND AWAY FROM JULIET AND ME UNTIL I SAY OTHERWISE." Panting heavily winded from his words he points to the door of the bathroom indicating further for her to leave.

Alex knowing the severity of this problem refuses. She calmly stands to look Justin straight in the eye, never diverting her gaze. Her demeanor changing drastically from the annoying pest, egger to hear a secret, to the rightfully concerned sister she now is. "Justin I have seen you like this all of like three times before. Each time it was serious. The first being the day you thought you lost Juliet, the second the day you conceded to me as the family wizard, the third the day was the day Dad died." Turning away briefly, feeling her own pain from that memory, only to stare back at Justin more intently. "I am not leaving until you tell me what is wrong", she states demanding him to respond to his issue.

Justin, knowing she meant it, decides if she wouldn't leave he would. "FINE" and with a whip of his wand he was gone. With a snap of her fingers and a simple word "Follow" she disappears.

Juliet knowing the sound of an apparition spell ran hastily to the bathroom only to see no one there once she entered. She was confused and hurt by Justin's actions. With tears running down her face she fell to heap on the floor and wept.

On the other end of town Justin appeared in a flash of smoke in the middle of the street during a lighting storm. 'Oh thank the Gods I ditched her. Now she will give up. I cannot and will not ever tell anyone that I am in love with Zeke. Then I can go on with my life my normal life.' A branch snaps behind him causing him to turn quickly. "Ya know you didn't even put a trace lock on your spell. You're getting sloppy." Alex sighs pinching her brow as she looks upon her distressed brother. "Now, tell me what wrong." She says sternly yet with a pleading whine.

Justin shock at his sister arrival again turns quickly to panic. "NOTHING IS WRONG. LEAVE - ME - ALONE." He runs down the street and whips out his wand from under the waistband of his underwear, hoping this time she will be unable to follow him.

Alex clearly upset and almost crying, pleas with him, "I don't want to us magic on you. Please just stop and talk to me." But Justin just keeps running away down the poorly light street. She sees his wand glow but before he can cast anything she whispers, "Locked tight." With that she watches as he hits a transparent wall.

Turning around Justin sees he has been put into a transparent box. "DAMN IT ALEX. ENSPIRITA." Becoming intangible he walks through the wall of the clear box. "I HAVE HAD ENOUGH ALEX. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG." Thinking quickly he decides on a course of action. "THE FIRES EYE, THE HEARTS SORROW, PLANT HER HERE TILL THE MORROW." With the words spoken he watched a she fell to her knees in agony as a ring of fire surrounds her and the earth begins to creep its way over her body. Justin looked on in a stunned and pained silence at what he had just done.

The spell was a powerful one. It caused the recipient to feel all the emotional pain of the worst day of their life. The fire that encircled its target was impenetrable in case they would try and run. The earth would encase them in unbreakable earth and clay, freezing them in that state for one whole day. Justin new the day she was feeling. The day there Dad had been killed by a man with a gun robbing the substation. Alex was there and there was nothing she could do. By the time she knew what was happening it was too late and their father had been shot through the heart, in instant death. Knowing with all the power she had she could not save him almost killed her body and soul.

Justin collapsed to his knees. His eyes filled with tears as he sat on the ground. Remorse and guilt bulling with in him till the tears became a loud howling sob. 'What have I done? I am a monster. I just attacked my own sister. She will feel all that over again for a days' time. I did that to her.' Hearing the word "Stop" being spoken with a magical resonance he was brought out of his regret filled thoughts. His gaze moving up to see Alex emerge from the flame and earth.

Still to taken aback at what he had done, even more at the fact that his sister broke an as of yet unbreakable spell, he was unable to think or move. Slowly walking to him she wiped the tears from her eyes. "Immobility abound" she said and Justin found himself unable to move. She picked Justin's body up settling him in her lap. His tears fell fast challenging the rain about them. He was just relieved that she was unscathed.

As he cried into her lap she stroked his hair. "Justin, I have lost dad I am not about to lose you. You are my wise older brother who taught me everything I know." Starting to tear up she continues, "This secret, no matter how bad, can't stop me from loving you. You are so desperate to hide it you won't even tell your wife. You attacked me for Merlin sake." Having lost her words in emotion she decided to release her brother. "Immobility unbound."

Having his movement restored he thought about running and then decided to stay. Knowing he would never tell her, staying seemed a mutt point to him but he felt he had to. "Alex" he says in a cracking and quiet voice hanging his heading shame. Shame of attacking her. Shame of lying. Shame at his feelings. "I can't tell you, or anyone. So please, just leave it be." the sadness within him being heard in every syllable.

Her brother still in her lap not speaking a word of his secret urged her to press on, to get him to tell her, to release him of his burden. Alex's knowing it was eating away at her beloved brother could not let his secret fester any longer. "Justin I don't know how long you have had this secret but it is killing you on the inside. You're so desperate to keep it that you attacked me with a forbidden spell. Thank the Gods I was able to break it. You are a great man. You have done things no other wizard has. Please don't let this secret destroy you." She says pleading with him, the hurt of seeing her brother in such pain addable in her voice. For some reason she just knows that if he keeps it locked away in his mind it will kill him. Alex will be damned if she will lose anyone else.

Sitting up from Alex's lap he pulls his knees to his chest and tucks his head into his arms. "I can't Alex. It will ruin everything. I will lose everything. My magic, you, mom, Juliet, the twins, max, hamper, Z…Zeke. You will all hate me and I can't lose you. So please just let it die." His feelings boiling over to the point that he thought he would just melt in the rain.

Looking at him in such pain made her own heart ache. "Justin", she all but whispers, "I can't. I won't. I won't watch whatever this secret is kill you from the inside. I won't watch it destroy you." Pausing to breathe and gain some composure through her throttled breath. "Justin tell me!"

Justin sat silently feeling the pressure from his thoughts crush him, the pain of his emotions causing him to crumble beneath them. Hearing his sister plead with him; begging him to tell her in a way that he had never heard from her before. All this starting to push the words out of him, practically without his consent.

Taking a deep breath to calm his voice he lifts his head from his arms and looks at his only sister. Speaking so gently that she could barely hear him he says, "I am gay. My heart belongs to Zeke. He doesn't know. I have loved him like this for as long as I can remember." His short fragmented sentences only revealing the facts of his heart. Inhaling a long ragged breathe he starts again, "But I am married having children and I can't turn my back on them. Mom will disown me and she is the only parent I have left. Zeke is straight and will never love me like I do him and I never want to lose his friendship. Please don't hate me and please, please don't ever tell anyone." His word so filled with pain and fear it made Alex's heart break like a crystal ball on pavement.

Leaning over to him she hugged him with all she had. This denial has been eating away at him for a long time she thought. "Justin I don't hate you. I don't hate who you are or who you love. I will always love my big brother. We will figure this out together. I won't abandon you, I promise!" Justin fell into his sisters arms and cried as she sat holding him in the rain, hoping maybe the rain might was away his pain.


End file.
